I have SO much on my mind lately, the words are swirling around in my head like you see on the cartoons. My ideas are there... but getting them out is becoming increasingly difficult these past few days. Nothing sounds right. Nothing flows the way I want it to. Writers block? Nah... I've got more than enough to say to fill a few pages!! What's my problem?
Sure... I write, put it down, take care of the kids, get them situated, then return and write some more. I am used to this part... just pick up where I left off... but the words aren't coming out. Not the way I want them to at least. So I sit... and write... and then save it to draft.
Irritating!! I want these things out, in the open. I blog to get them off my chest... yet they stick to me like glue because the words just won't form into sentences. These feelings, this anger and frustration, it keeps building and building. If I don't find a way to get it out I am going to blow... and everyone knows how horrible that would be!
I am frustrated at many things... at people, at things. For some reason, I can't just let things slide right now. There is a couple here that drives me insane with their inability to care for or discipline their children. It bothers me beyond belief that they are always taking things from us without asking, using our diapers, formula, bottles, when we are in no better position than they are. They are moving Friday... so why can't I just drop it? I will never see them again, yet they irritate me so much I want to scream.
Letting other peoples actions get to me... that's another frustration currently. Why should I care what others do? Why should I care that they are screwing up their children? Because, I just do!! Because the children deserve better... and they are growing up as little hellions... all because a lack of discipline, or rather desire to teach and correct their ways. Lazy parenting is creating mean, anger filled children... and there is nothing I can do to stop it. It frustrates me that I can't do anything about this!
Being a last resort for some people... that bothers me as well. My sister (when we were speaking) would call me everyday, but only when her best friend wasn't available to talk to first. When no one else had time for her, she came to me. I hated knowing that... knowing I was her last resort. I have friends like that which I have downgraded to acquaintances for just that reason. I shouldn't have to be some one's last resort for friendship, for conversation, for companionship. I won't be.
Okay... so as jumbled, as random as that all was... that's what is currently on my mind. A little crazy, yes, a little out there and mixed together. But those are my true and honest feelings at the moment. Things probably don't make much sense... but it feels better to let it all out. Nothing flowing properly, just jumping from one thought to the next, the chaos in my mind is finally set free.
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2 comments:
Wish I had some words of advice or encouragement for you but I don't. I tend to do the samething you do. I hold onto things even after I have vented about them. With time the feelings you have for those that are moving will go away. As for caring about everyone elses kids I think that is just a mother's nature to do that.
I understand...my BIL is the same way as these people, always taking. He does give some in return though, but as far as the children go they're the same way. What's more frustrating about that is my kids pick up things from them. Toys that aren't supposed to go outside end up there b/c the 2yo takes them and rather than deal with a tantrum, BIL either lets her have her way or doesn't even know b/c he's doing his own thing while he's here leaving me to watch them. At least you're getting relief from your situation...mine live next door!
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