Its Halloween!!!

This EXACT day last year I found out I was already almost two months pregnant with my little Peyton Rylie!!! Oh what a day that was! I had been feeling off, just knew something was different. Every pregnancy so far has been different. So finally I call David at work and ask him to bring home a test. He sounds a little nervous, but promises to fill my request.

That night he walks in the door as the kids are getting their costumes on. In he walks with a bag he promptly hands to me with the test, a 6-pack of beer in his other bag and a small boquet of flowers. I couldn't help but smile. Well, obviously we know how the result turned out!!

So exactly one year later, I sit here actually able to type for a minute while Baylee is upstairs asleep, Peyton is napping in her pack and play in the livingroom and Wyatt is watching Cars the movie, and of course Caitlyn is at school. Tonight, it is trick or treating once again. Wyatt has had a countdown all week, just dying for this day to get here.

I got a GREAT deal on costumes for Baylee and Peyton. Old Navy had their costumes marked down from $22.50 to only $5 per costume! Then to top that off, I got a $5 off coupon! For two costumes I paid a grand total of $5, which would normally have cost me $45!! Nena would be proud!!

Does Texas have any clue that it's OCTOBER already?? I mean geesh... its HOT. This week things started cooling down, I was able to wear jeans, I was finally able to wear SOCKS. The windows opened, the ac shut off.... and then the heat crept right back up on us! I really hope my poor babies dont sweat to death in their costumes tonight!!

Anyway... Have a safe and FUN Halloween tonight everyone!!! Memories for me for now... then to take the kids trick or treating!

I feel like I abandoned my blog!

WOW What a week or rather week and a half this has been!! One thing piling on top of the next... seeming like it was never going to calm down! I've been in and out of grouchy moods, and wanting to just get away from it all. Nothing seems to help.

I have to take it one day at a time, one step at a time, breathing along to way, counting all my blessings, to make sure I don't get overwhelmed. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Today is an iffy day. Dishes need to be washed, the laundry needs to get folded, and the downstairs bathroom needs to be cleaned. If I don't do these things no one else will.

Sometimes I wish for a break... but being a Mommy you never get a break. Tonight I get what I am going to call a half break. A friend is coming over to watch Grey's Anatomy with me, and David is taking the older two kids over to her house to chill with her husband. So I will still have two kids here, but Baylee goes to bed as Grey's starts then it will just us and Peyton. So thats my sort of break.

OMG. Wow... today is looking like its gonna be another one of THOSE days!!! I am taking what TWO minutes to write this and I all the sudden hear a hurt/scared scream coming from the living room from Baylee. Her screaming scared Peyton who then started screaming. I run in to find the stool I had asked Wyatt to put away with Baylee stuck halfway in it. Looked as if she was trying to crawl through it and got her arm and head stuck, then it fell over. She was terrified. I pulled her loose to a nice sideways bruise on her forehead where the leg of the stool was pressing against her. UGH. Yay... I am off once again to rescue Peyton who seems to think the world is ending if I don't pick her up.

Its been a long week...

This week has been one LONG and TIRING week. I am beyond exhausted, drained, and crabby. I don't like being crabby... it doesn't fit my personality very well. Please, someone, somewhere tell me something to cheer me up! Janae is NOT fun when she's crabby... hence me abandoning my blog for an ENTIRE week OMG!

Ahhh.... hoping for a few good hours of sleep tonight... that will hopefully help. Breakfast in the morning, a new day.

Sunday, technically the begining of a new week... time to start anew... and leave this crab apple behind!!!

At-ti-tuuuuude

Why must 8 year olds have such attitude all the time? Ugh. I had a great idea. Hey, today is a nice day out (for ONCE in texas it wasnt too hot!)... let's go to the big park and take pictures of the kids! Peckham park has a big pond with a long trail, lots of trees, ducks, fish, and of course a play area. I figured the kids would have a blast... and I was right... for the most part.

Attitude from the 8 year old was giving me a headache. The sun's in my eyes... its too hot sitting here... I don't want to... whine whine whine. Grrr. I was gonna lose it. The younger ones were all too excited to give me what I wanted, pose, smile, say cheeeeese, but not Caitlyn. I think I got maybe 2 pictures without her frowning or making a face... TWO measly pictures.

This is just the start... oh the joys... I am doing everything I can to talk to her, to show her this isn't acceptable. How do you get rid of attitude??

I will try again, and I will wear her down until she gives me an acceptable picture hehehe!!!

Funk

Lately I have felt in a funk... not fun. I haven't been able to seem to shake it. Emotional ups and downs and all arounds. I've been feeling a bit crazy and off my game for a little while. I wonder if it is my body settling back into place after having Peyton, or getting used to new hormones. It could be both. It could of course, also be stress. Either way I hate it.

Today it was like the clouds broke and the sun sparkled through bringing those wonderful rays of light shining down on me... though yes it has been rainy... haha.

I don't know what helped. The fact that I prayed could be one. The fact that I realized not much is in my control. The fact that I woke up this morning determined not to be snappy or crabby. Any of those, all of those. I woke up, went on with my normal morning routine. Once downstairs I put Peyton down to play in her saucer and checked my various websites I go to. Upon reaching my baby group on CafeMom I noticed 5 members in chat... FIVE!!! This has been a rare occurance lately!

So of course I join right in. All the sudden, I wasn't dragged down by everything that has been bothering me... I was able to be the goofy, dorky, silly old Janae I was before! It felt amazing. I was free of the funk. I chatted, drank my morning coffee and had a blast.

Since then I unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, played and danced silly with Baylee and Wyatt, fed Peyton and put her down for a nap, fed Baylee and Wyatt and let them go play in the toy area. While of course more cleaning can be done... I feel productive. I feel happy! I feel like I am accomplishing things that I have been putting off.

While I may not get to have daily conversations with friends, it was great this morning to just be out there and talking freely about anything and everything. Gotta say I love my JuneBug Mommies!!!!! Of course I love all my other friends as well... dont hear me saying that I dont!

Well it seems I am on a good path... a path to finding the old Janae once again. You know another thing that helped... reading Mike's blog... I found a quote that seemed was perfect. I NEEDED to see that quote... I NEEDED someone to say that to me... and it was right there staring me in the face.

"Wanting to be someone you're not is a waste of the person you are." - Kurt Cobain

Think about it... I will leave you with that!!!

Aghhhh!!!!!!!!!

Help! I. Need. Help! Agghhhh!!!! I am at the end of my rope right now... barely hanging on... I need to get a grip before I start freaking out here. I don't know what to do!!!

Baylee has always been the difficult one... since before I even knew I was pregnant!! I thought it was a horrible bout of stomach flu... ahh nope! That was Miss Baylee Rose making her presence known. Looking at food, smelling food, moving from my ever so still spot on the couch, feeding the other two kids, breathing, you get the picture. EVERYTHING made me sick with her for a month after I knew I was pregnant. Everything. She was a difficult pregnancy all around. Had problems I had never encountered before, bleeding, emergency hospital trips, car accident, you name it, it happened while I was pregnant with Baylee Rose. Won't even go there about delivery!!

So I should expect her to continue her difficulty, right? Hoped not! She was a difficult baby... colic, reflux, horrible teether. And now... she is a difficult toddler. OMG! Her latest thing is poop. Oh how she loves to reach in her diaper and play in poop. Disgusting. Makes me want to puke. I have tried talking to her, tried showing her where her poop goes (also an attempt at potty training as she just turned 2), tried punishing her when she does it. NOTHING works.

I want to rip my hair out. TWICE today... it has happened twice today so far! I put her to bed for a nap and realized 30 minutes later I could hear her playing. Go upstairs, there is poop in her carpet, her bed, her hands, under her fingernails. Ugh. I hate the smell of poop. Not like its runny poop either.

Never have I encountered such a stubborn, strong-willed, and difficult child. She is great, funny, loving and silly. She's gonna be a spit-fire thats for sure. For now... I need help. I admit defeat to the poop. HELP. How do I get her to stop???

DWTS

Based on who the "stars" are that season, I am hopelessly addiced to ABC's Dancing with the Stars! I love dancing... always have, always will, and wish I could get back into it soon. So for now, I watch everything that has to do with dancing!

This year had a mix of contestants that were ok... one standing out above the rest for me. Let me explain why... don't laugh, ok, well at least don't tell me you laughed!!!! Lance Bass. NSync. Yup. You get the picture. I was beyond obsessed, went to every concert I could in high school, saw them perform at Knotts before anyone knew who they were, got to stand next to the stage with Dani as JC held out the mic for us to chant with them. Ahh... memories. I wasn't ashamed to admit it then, and even now I stand my ground. I loved NSync. And just to drive my point home further, as I type this blog my phone rings with the sounds of Justin Timberlake.

So back to DWTS... Lance is partnered with newcomer Lacey (cant spell her last name for the life of me haha). She seems pretty cool, edgy (which can sometimes irritate judges), but has spunk! Seems the perfect match for Lance. A few of their dances have been great to watch. I have to say he surprised me by one... two weeks ago they danced to "I Kissed A Girl" by Katy Perry... and at the end Lance and Lacey kissed. No big deal you think? Lance is openly a gay man. To me, it was hilarious and looked as if Lacey were on cloud 9!

Anyway... I love watching this show but was so sad to learn last week they were in the bottom two!!! Bottom two when contestants such as Cloris Leachman and Rocco DiSpirito are still dancing... NO!

If you're a fan... or even if you're not.... VOTE FOR LANCE AND LACEY!!!!! Go to abc.com to vote, or 1-800-868-3407!!!!

WATCH THE SHOW!!!!

Well I'll be...

It happened... it finally happened!! What happened? I got Peyton and Baylee to take naps at the SAME time!!! Ahhh... its like the clouds have vanished, the sky is blue and the angels are singing. Ok... a little overdramatic there, but you get the picture!!!

I've been attempting this for four months now (well duh Peyton is only 4 months old!)... and it has finally happened. My Peyton has been a cat napper since the moment she was born. Twenty minutes here, thirty there, and that was all she would do. Sure, she sleeps pretty well at night, so of course I will take great night of sleeping over proper naps anyday! Baylee was always a right on schedule kind of girl. Nap this time, eat this time, bed this time. It worked great. Wyatt was a go with the flow... and I worked while Caitlyn was a baby so it was a bit different then.

So now that I finally have this free time to myself... free time to get chores done without one of the two younger ones constantly needing something, diaper changes, being picked up, being played with... now that I have this time... what do I do? I blog. Ahh, shame on me!!! I could be doing a million things I need to get done, that I complain I never do... but instead I choose to sit here and blog, roam the internet with free hands, let my mind wander. I feel so useless right now haha... so non-productive!! I was complaining about not getting any me time the other day.. so now I am taking it!

I am gonna sit back, listen to some good old school music (anyone ever get sick of the same new stuff played over and OVER again??), and let my mind just wander. Hey, if they sleep long enough I might just even get another article written as well... oohhh now that would be being productive!! I do have another story idea brewing away in my head...

Car Seat Dilemma

I NEED to buy Peyton a convertible car seat like yesterday. She is just 2lbs shy of the weight limit on her infant carrier, and an inch or two short of the height limit. Yes, I have a gigantor baby on my hands, I am well aware of this as I can barely keep her in clothes!!! Anyway... back to the car seat issue.

Desires in a car seat... Has to be easy to use, comfortable for Peyton (meaning that $45 one at Walmart is a nogo, NO padding), and most importantly it has to be SAFE. So of course I go and check out the National Highway Safety website to see what they say about the latest car seats... of course Britax wins! Ugh. Who really can afford a Britax car seat?? Not me thats for sure.

Car seats are EXPENSIVE. And yes, for good reason. There is no price you can put on the safety of your children. But in a sense, there is. I cant afford the top rated car seat. Makes me feel like I am cheating my children out of their own safety. Overreacting? Maybe.

Why don't car seat companies come with lay-away programs? Haha. That would be FANTASTIC wouldn't it?? That way when a person finds out they are pregnant they can slowly pay off the balance and have the seat paid for and ready when the little one is ready to sit in it. Ahh... just dreaming obviously.

I was looking into the ComfortSport by Graco. A pink one at Target is about $80. It only lasts to 40lbs as well, so in a year or so your child could very well be out of it. I want something to last for my money. It also got horrible reviews on the Target website. My 2 year old Baylee has had the Alpha Omega car seat since she was 5 months old. It was a gift from my parents to Baylee and ran about $170 at the time. Personally, it doesn't snug around her the way I feel a car seat should protect. Yes, it goes to 100lbs when used as a belt positioning booster, but still not a car seat I love.

So where do I go from here? What I want for my baby and what I can afford for my baby are two very different things. What to do?? I have NO clue!

Tis the season... for depression??

Lately I find myself feeling like I want to go into seclusion yet at the same time battling it trying to make everyone happy at once. I want to do so many things at once, and nothing seems to get accomplished. I want to be the fun, happy go lucky girl I once was, not dragged down with all this stress and irritation. It seems like if I just had the money to get through this, everything would be fantastic.

Thats the root of the problem, money, its never enough, and we don't ever have it. But I know, I KNOW money is NOTHING when it comes to happiness... yet I find myself unhappy when I am stressed out due to money. Ugh, its evil.

Family, friends, people, things that cannot be replaced, those are the things that are most important in this world. But I am only human, and want things, and want to give things to my children and to others. It brings me down when I can't. This time of year is so busy for us and there is never enough to get everything accomplished. October brings Baylee's birthday as well as Halloween. November brings Caitlyn's birthday as well as Thanksgiving, sometimes even falling on the same day. December as we all know too well brings Christmas and then New Years Eve. I can't seem to balance it all and its dragging me down.

I feel like I did when I was exercising this morning. My legs were burning as I tried to keep on pushing and pushing to make it to that 30 minute mark. 15 more minutes seemed like an eternity, then 10, but the hardest part was those final 3 minutes. I knew I couldn't give up with the finish right there in my sight but every bit of me seemed to be on fire. Sweat dripping, I made it to my goal. It seems like that struggle for me everyday... in almost every way. When will it get easier? When will I see the finish line near?

I do the best that I can in teaching my kids not to desire material things, to value the little things in life. Sometimes its just not enough. Sometimes I want things, they want things. I hate wanting things. I hate feeling depressed. I just needed to vent a minute before I went insane. Today is not one of my happier ramblings, hopefully I perk up again tomorrow.

My photo editing obsession!!!

Recently I attempted to take pictures of all of the kids "professional style" and they came out pretty well. Have yet to get them all to cooperate for a group shot, but thats another story. Well as proud of the pictures as I was, they could of course use some touching up... and thats when I fell in love with photo editing!!!

Who knew it was SO easy to do this all on your own?? I mean, with this kind of software out there for FREE, why waste your time and money going to a studio?? With just a few props, backgrounds and poses you have your own home studio for FREE!!! In case you haven't noticed, FREE is one of my favorite words!

You then have the choice to print them with a local store or go through a website that offers free prints when you first sign up. I have had prints from both Shutterfly as well as SnapFish and they turned out great and were pretty cheap to order from!!

So it looks like I have found myself a new hobby... hurray!!! Yet another thing to keep me occupied and detesting those dishes in the sink... haha. Yes, eventually they will get done... but for now I write, and photoshop!!!

Here is just one of my many photo editing adventures today for you to enjoy...

Do you get any ME time??

We are all busy... everyone is always busy... so my question is this... when do you get ME time?? Lately my moods have been grinding as I feel I dont get time for myself, time to do anything that isn't tied to my children. Duh, of course, as a parent they are my first priority. Yet, not getting time for myself isn't helping me find the "me" that I lost. (Refer to blog titled Lost).

Today I had a meltdown moment at David. Yes, partly his fault, and it got resolved. Now that its over, I am ashamed, but can't waste on regrets now can we? Only to learn and move forward. After long periods of time, without a break, I feel like I am ready to explode. I can't remember the last time I was anywhere without all of my children with me, let alone just having one or two of them! It's all four, all the time. That's what a Mommy does, right? Yes. But Mommy is also a person who needs her own time.

I need to get a few moments to myself here and there, without folding laundry, washing dishes, cleaning up a child, or changing a diaper. If I am ever going to get my head on straight, I need a few minutes here and there to calmly collect my thoughts. Any ideas? No travel, please, its hard to go anywhere and too hot to walk here still.

I want to start writing again, but being interrupted every 5 seconds ruins my thought process and my brain becomes mush! I was a great writer once upon a time, and hope to regain that once again... soon! This great story is playing out in my mind randomly throughout the day... yet when I sit to write I cant, other things need to be done first. How do mothers of babies, toddlers, and little ones get it done?? How on earth did JK Rowling find time to write all those long Harry Potter books?? Right now, the idea baffles me!

The kids need me, the husband needs me, the clothes need to be washed, kitchen cleaned, children bathed, diapers changed, bedtime routines, and by the end of the day I am just too worn out for anything else! H E L P!!!