Tis the season... for depression??

Lately I find myself feeling like I want to go into seclusion yet at the same time battling it trying to make everyone happy at once. I want to do so many things at once, and nothing seems to get accomplished. I want to be the fun, happy go lucky girl I once was, not dragged down with all this stress and irritation. It seems like if I just had the money to get through this, everything would be fantastic.

Thats the root of the problem, money, its never enough, and we don't ever have it. But I know, I KNOW money is NOTHING when it comes to happiness... yet I find myself unhappy when I am stressed out due to money. Ugh, its evil.

Family, friends, people, things that cannot be replaced, those are the things that are most important in this world. But I am only human, and want things, and want to give things to my children and to others. It brings me down when I can't. This time of year is so busy for us and there is never enough to get everything accomplished. October brings Baylee's birthday as well as Halloween. November brings Caitlyn's birthday as well as Thanksgiving, sometimes even falling on the same day. December as we all know too well brings Christmas and then New Years Eve. I can't seem to balance it all and its dragging me down.

I feel like I did when I was exercising this morning. My legs were burning as I tried to keep on pushing and pushing to make it to that 30 minute mark. 15 more minutes seemed like an eternity, then 10, but the hardest part was those final 3 minutes. I knew I couldn't give up with the finish right there in my sight but every bit of me seemed to be on fire. Sweat dripping, I made it to my goal. It seems like that struggle for me everyday... in almost every way. When will it get easier? When will I see the finish line near?

I do the best that I can in teaching my kids not to desire material things, to value the little things in life. Sometimes its just not enough. Sometimes I want things, they want things. I hate wanting things. I hate feeling depressed. I just needed to vent a minute before I went insane. Today is not one of my happier ramblings, hopefully I perk up again tomorrow.